TRYING NOT TO STRESS!~

I was pretty good yesterday after meeting with Dr. Keller.....well kind of. The more I read the paperwork and thought about my diagnosis, the more stressed and emotional I became. It's so scary to think I only have one good kidney, and even it it not functioning at full capacity. I thought about the numbers he gave me. He said it was working at 50% capacity while I was in the hospital and 2 weeks later it's dropped to 37%. Then it's the title...Stage 3b chronic kidney disease. AND, that's on top of the Churg-Strass and EGPA  autoimmune diseases I have! By last night, I was almost a basket case. I get weepy and cry when I think about it. We've lost two family members in the last month and I don't want to be the third. I'm not ready!! BUT I THINK ABOUT IT! I'm seriously trying to be optimistic but it's so hard! After Tony went to the gym this morning, I got a call from Kim, Dr. Keller's nurse. She told me that he had been talking with a rheumatologist, and had decided to change the chemo drip I am to be starting. It was going to be Cytoxen, and it is now going to be Rituxan. Then she said he would call me today and discuss it with me. I had my phone on me all day but by 5:30 this evening, came to the conclusion I wasn't getting a call today.  That is stressing me out as well. I was scrolling on my phone at one point and this came up.

I felt like the Lord was speaking to me, and telling me not to worry! I'm trying, I really am. Jess and Diane brought Mom Norton home today. Tony assured me that he and Jess would give me a blessing tomorrow. I was grateful for that. I need something to help calm my nerves and keep me positive. 

This is hard!